Is there not another way? Is there not anything else I can do? I have tried, I have believed, I have sacrificed in the good faith that I would see this through. Time and time again I ask God the question that we have all asked sometime or another in our lifetime...why God? Why if You are in control of everything, did you let that little child die? Why did You let that marriage break apart? Why did You not stop the murderer from killing an innocent victim? Why did You let this happen to me? Haha well don't those words sound familiar? If not, they will someday, trust me. I'm asking myself that question right now. But you know, I already have my answer. God has given me His answer. But the problem is, I have to believe it. Now I can say all day how I believe God's Word is true and there is none beside it, but actions speak louder than words. My crossroads has come, the crossroads I have dreaded would someday come, and now I have to make my choice on whether God has to be first in my life or not. Let me tell you something Reader, I have never felt such emotional pain, such emptiness, such hurt ever before in my life. Somehow God has a way of bringing something down upon us saying it's time to make a decision.

  I asked God not too long ago, to help me renew myself in Him. Well He replied didn't He?!?! Haha not the way I was expecting, but He sure replied. Now am I to sit here and tell God "sorry that's not what I was looking for, try something else"...I don't deserve His renewal or salvation in the first place! Who am I to turn down His offer. This all is just to show me and God just how important He is in my life. If any of you know what the word prayer means, please I'm begging you to at least just mention my name to God when you have the chance. I've never needed God before the way I do now. We all have our own choices in our life on whether to choose God or not, some of us make the right choice, most of us don't. And many more of us believe that we can get by without making a choice at all.

Well it's been too long since I've posted anything (it's not like anyone ever reads this junk anyway). I have found myself in a life that is not what I had ever planned on having. At least not now or like this. Happy yes, but not sure of what to expect next is driving me crazy. Although I'm confident things will turn out for the good, I just have to work for them. Although, not everything that I want is completely in my hands for the taking or making. But I'll have to continue to work for it all. I should be working harder. Speaking of work, it's about time I found something to do with my life. I have a few choice options, nothing definite yet. No knowing exactly what I should do is another thing driving me crazy. I'd like to hear some thoughts on what would be a good career choice. After graduating this year, college is my next challenge, lets hope it's a good one. Let's hope I'm ready for it!!! Another thing driving me crazy. I'm going insane here, can't you tell!?!